Hey, guess who? Jess, the girl full of excuses. I really really really wanted to keep the writing going. I’ve become lazy, I work 9-5 and would rather watch the latest crime drama on Netflix after a day at work. I mean who doesn’t love a bit of The Staircase on a Tuesday night. So I have a lot of catching up to do and I’m going to start with a very honest post about moving back home. This is something I wish I was more prepared for. And I wish I could have read something similar three months ago.
I want to start by saying this has nothing to do with the people I love at home or in Canada. So please don’t be offended when you read that I don’t want to be here a million times over. I have truly loved seeing each and every familiar face since I’ve been back. I must sound like a broken record right now but I cannot stop thinking about my life in Vancouver and how much I miss it.
So let’s take it back to Thursday 28th June, the day I flew to England for the first time in 2 years. After saying bye to Rachelle at the departures, I then hysterically cried my way through security. I managed to hold it together whilst being patted down for dangerous objects but soon the tears made a reappearance. I exchanged my Canadian dollars for English pounds whilst crying my little heart out. I really don’t mean for this to be a sob story, it is what happened. The lady asked if I was ok, she didn’t know the half of it. I really really really didn’t want to get on that flight. My future was unknown and I didn’t know when I’d be in Canada again.
I can’t complain about my flight from Vancouver to Manchester. Luckily I got a seat near the exit so had room to stretch out and the food wasn’t so bad. No one really bothered me and the tears dried out. My eyes were sore and puffy. I must have looked like a crazy lunatic. I landed in Manchester to see my dad, sister and Nanna patiently waiting for me. It was great. I haven’t seen my Nanna in two years so I was happy to see her face.
I came back just in time for the hottest summer England has experienced in years and years. So weather wise it was perfect. I don’t ever remember a summer in England quite like it. Short and dress weather all day everyday. It was great for an unemployed bum like myself. I topped my tan up daily whilst I was jobless for five weeks. I wish employment found me sooner. Having no routine, no money and so much time on my own was not good for me. People soon go back to their own lives and you’re left to adjust to the life you left 2 years ago.
I like to think of myself as a very positive and optimistic person. I believe everything happens for a reason (to some degree). I convinced myself that I wanted to come home, I hadn’t been home for two years. I wanted to see my favourite people. I wanted to see my bedroom and my home. I convinced myself that I would apply for Permanent Residency (PR) once I got back and that everything would work out. I knew I didn’t have the money to apply whilst in my last 6 months in Canada. However I’m kicking myself about that now. Nothing is ever easy in life and that’s ok. You have to work for things you want and I want to be back in Canada.
I wanted to start my PR application as soon as possible. It soon became clear that it was quite tricky applying from overseas. I need money, a lot of it. I need patience which is slowly running out. I just have to accept this is what it is right now and I can’t change it. I can enjoy myself and still live. I just gotta aim higher. Or win the lottery.
I feel stuck, lonely, misunderstood, happy, sad, excited, lost, disappointed and so much more. I never expected it to be so difficult and I don’t want you to think I’m being dramatic. I had set up a life in my new city, I had friends and favourite places to eat. It didn’t compare to my life in England. It is just completely different and I don’t know how to explain it. It’s what I loved and I felt like I was been pulled away from that unwillingly.
On the flip side, I enjoy meal times with my family, I appreciate Hull and the area I live in and I can see my friends in person and not through an iPhone screen. I see everything in a different light. That is refreshing and I’m trying my hardest not to slip back in and get stuck. My life is good at home so as much as I say I don’t want to be here, I’m lucky to be around a close knit family, supportive friends and a lovely roof over my head. I can see the good in the bad.
The biggest thing I’ve had to face is questions. Be prepared for a hell of a lot of questions that you don’t know the answers too. Mainly job/career based questions for myself. I don’t know what I want to do and I’ve come to accept that this is ok. I know where I want to be and I know everything else will fall into place. I am not career driven in the slightest. My job doesn’t define me as a person. I’d work at the bike rental shop if I had the right people around me. I’d be a Sandwich Artist if it pays my bills. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. As long as I’m happy and able to do things I enjoy then I’ve succeeded.
Obviously this is just my personal experience and I know from talking with other friends who have moved home, every experience is different. As much as I’d love for Daisy to be back in Vancouver, I’m glad she’s stuck here with me. Well at the other end of the country but she’s been my go-to for all Canada talk . We constantly bitch about how shit England is, the time difference and the food we miss. I’m excited for our futures. It’s going to happen one day Daisy. I can feel it in my bones.
This is not a pity party, I wanted to be honest and open about my experience. It’s better out than in. I like to talk about all the things I loved during my 2 year working holiday and all the things I want to do when I’m back. Dreams do come true eventually, I’m working on it.
Have you moved home recently? Or got back from a trip of a lifetime? I’d love to hear about your experience.
Coming soon – welcome home party, exploring Hull, George’s Graduation, day trips, Ladies Day, Tribfest, a weekend in the New Forest and much, much more.